justkarkar

Chivalry…?

Posted on: September 24, 2011

I came across a male person’s blog – which I refuse to cite – about chivalry being dead in the wee hours of the morning (totally should have been studying the first three chapters of my psychology textbook, but whatevs). To summarize the post, with a quote from the post:

You can have the freedom, the increased salary, and the open possibility for a female president … or you can have your car door opened, your drink bought for you, and stay in the house cooking and cleaning all day … not both.

What the shit?

That is easily the dumbest sentence ever written by a seemingly educated and seemingly straight male person. I refer to him as such because I feel it is disrespectful to call his grown ass a boy, but, clearly, he is not a man.

Because of the possibilities for women to “achieve,” we no longer deserve to be treated like women?

Oh, ok.

Hey, my friend, because I bought that $3 shot of Jack for you (and clearly emasculated you by flaunting my wealth), you may never open the car door for me again. I’m also worried for your man-card because that (god-awful) sandwich you made and shared with me (after I cleaned the kitchen for you) is probably a violation of gender roles.

Sir, because a woman ran for president (which obviously means I don’t need a man – even though Hils is very much married), you may never again pay for my drink. Also, because I work outside the home (and that unequivocally means I think men are useless and unnecessary), you must leave me to hop in cab or on a bus next time we hang out til 2am, and not offer me a ride home anymore.

That’s what I gathered from this… that the author thinks, in no uncertain terms, that we women should be forced to fend for ourselves in every situation; essentially, the entire gender should be punished for progressing.

That is mad petty, and wreaks of his questionable manhood feeling threatened.

I’d be wrong if I compared that to the plantation foreman beating a slave for learning to read, though, right?

Despite calling our freedom and equality well-deserved, the author of that piece explicitly faulted us for our independence. Well, let me tell you something… Being an independent woman doesn’t mean I don’t need a man. It simply means I don’t have to rely on him 100% of the time to provide my every single need. Hell, I can give my self an orgasm, too, if you wanna go there, but I digress.

I’ve been on my own since the day I graduated high school, but I took my last job for the specific reason that the hours would allow me to be an involved parent – soccer games and all the extra curricular activities my well-rounded child(ren) will choose to join, have dinner on the table when you get home, and still provide a substantial supplementary income. I fully intend to support my future husband by contributing to our household as much as I can. As long as is necessary to ensure our family’s comfort, and as long as it does not conflict with my duties as a wife and mother.

You won’t have to worry about your home being clean or your dinner being ready if you don’t want to. Whether that means doing it myself or not, is a different subject, but I do accept that this may be my responsibility in the home. So, dear future husband, once all of the essentials are taken care of, there is a very real chance that I will want to use part of my income to hire a maid to clean the house and do the laundry and use the free time to go to the gym/nail salon/hairdresser/etc (happy wife = happy life *shrug*). Still… won’t be your concern unless you want it to be, which means everybody’s happy.

Back to independent women… I didn’t make the decision to go out into the world and show men that I can do it all without them. Reality is, the days of living at home until a man claims me as his wife and moves me into the home he has provided for me are long gone. For one, it is possible for me to earn a living, so expecting my parents to provide for my able-bodied self is just disrespectful. For two, the costs have soared, and I don’t expect my future husband to have to foot that bill on his own. If I did, I’d have to set my sights on a rather well-to-do man, and, then you’d call me some kind of gold-digger, right?

Should I become thoroughly dependent to assuage his insecurity? If he’s that insecure, becoming dependent would only exacerbate the situation. Those circumstances unfailingly lead to a helpless woman stuck in an abusive relationship. That, however, is a different discussion.

I say all this to say, don’t assume to know me based on your stereotypes of our gender. Wanting to be treated as equals, does not mean the same as wanting to be treated as a man.

Don’t assume to know me based on your perception of my life. Doing what I have to do to make it on my own does not mean I want to be on my own.

Don’t punish me for being born a woman in this day and age.

Honestly, as much as that article annoyed me, my primary thought is that I really appreciate the men of character in my life. They already know that I recognize and value them for who they are, but this makes me want to let them know that I love them for what they’re not, as well.

Reading this opinion, and knowing that there are men out there who not only think like that author, but think it logical and enlightened enough to publish it – and under his own identity – makes me even more grateful to them and for them.

To all of the men who have picked up my tab without a second thought… To all of the men who do hold doors for women… To all of the men who have ever prepared food for me… To all of the men who do make sure the women I love and I are safe and cared for, I bow to you.

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  • Najeema: I've got the same plans (and posterboard on my kitchen table) for a vision board. I'll share mine if you share yours, lol. Hoping you attract everythi
  • NVRGVUP: Love is where it's at!
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