justkarkar

This One’s Personal.

Posted on: July 6, 2011

Truth be told, they’re all personal. I mean, what’s more personal than baring my soul to tell you how I feel about the things that make me care?

I don’t really talk about me, though.

I’m one of those people who can tell you everything about me, and you still won’t know anything about me.

It’s not my imagination, either…

I’ve realized that I can have a whole entire engaging conversation with you without answering a single question, and you won’t even notice it. Well, now you will, but if I hadn’t told you, you’d never know.

And other people have made it painstakingly clear. More than a couple of my bff’s over the years have done or said something on my behalf that was so categorically wrong that our friendship never recovered.

It might be a flaw. Whatevs. I’m me, flaws and all. *cue Beyonce*

So.. here’s something about me.

I don’t know what I want to do with my life.

Two and a half years ago, I had it all figured out.

Eight days ago, life sucker-punched me in the gut, uppercut me in the face, then stepped on my toe to top it all off.

On January 26, 2009, life was absolutely perfect as I started a part-time job with a great salary and full benefits. I had time enough to do as my heart pleased, and enough money to cover my bills. My ADD twin was ecstatic about short work days, a flexible schedule and plenty of free-time. My stability-seeking twin was elated to have said situation on a permanent basis at a recession-proof company.

On June 28, 2011, I was given 90 minutes to collect my things, and a ride home in a shiny blue Escalade.

Appropriately enough, it was pouring rain. Almost as much water falling from the skies as tears pouring from my eyes.

Everyone’s reaction was the same. “You’ll be fine.” “People love you.” “You have such a wide network.” “You’re so talented.” “I’m sure all you have to do is ask.”

That just made me cry harder.

I know 50M people – give or take a few – on a personal level… I’m not ashamed to say I know that some people would kill to get their hands on my BlackBerry.

Thing is, none of them owe me shit. So, how do I ask?

More importantly, how do I ask when I don’t even know what to ask for?

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  • Najeema: I've got the same plans (and posterboard on my kitchen table) for a vision board. I'll share mine if you share yours, lol. Hoping you attract everythi
  • NVRGVUP: Love is where it's at!
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