justkarkar

Archive for January 2011

I like it, so here it goes:

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE.. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When say, ‘I love you,’ mean it.

FIVE. When you say, ‘I’m sorry,’ look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don’t judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, ‘Why do you want to know?’

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say ‘bless you’ when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it…

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.

Advertisements

1.  What is your occupation right now? Senior Administrative Assistant

2.  What color are your socks right now? Not wearing any

3.  What are you listening to right now? Whatever’s on CBS cuz Miles is sleeping right in front of the sensor and I can’t change the channel from here

4.  What was the last thing you ate? Sweet potato cake and Madagascan Vanilla ice cream. smh. so damn good for my taste buds, but not for my waistline.

5.  Can you drive a stick shift? Hell yeaaaaah

6.  Last person you spoke to on the phone? A lady. I forget her name. She found my resume from her predecessor’s files.

7.  Do you like the person who sent this to you? LOVE her.

8.  How old are you today? 31

9.  What is your favorite sport to watch on TV: Football

10.  What is your favorite drink: Water

11.  Have you ever dyed your hair? Heck yes.

12.  Favorite food?  Cuban!

13.  What is the last movie you watched? Meet Joe Black (I’m bout to watch it again)

14.  Favorite day of the year? Memorial Day. Who needs Santa and Cupid… Summer’s almost here and so is my birthday, and you can’t change that.

15.  How do you vent anger? I talk about it with someone who’s not involved in the situation. Just to get it off my chest, get a different perspective, and avoid saying anything I’ll regret to the person I’m angry with. I have to really reach a breaking point to show someone that I’m angry with them.

16.  What was your favorite toy as a child? these tiny little doll babies – no, really babies… like infants – that had all their own furniture like playpen, stroller, crib, etc

17.  What is your favorite season?  *cues DJ Jezzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince* Summa-summa-summatime

18.  Cherries or Blueberries? Depends… Fresh, I’ll take cherries… for everything else, it’s a toss-up. Cherry danish, blueberry poptarts.

19.  Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? N/A

20.  Who is the most likely to respond? Well, only 4 ppl even know I have a blog, so….

21.  Who is least likely to respond? The other 1500 ppl I know?

22.  Living situation? In a house.

23.  When was the last time you cried. Last week. Two breakdowns in one month. That’s a record for me.

24.  What is on the floor of your closet right now? Who knows.

25.  Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to? If I were sending it (as opposed to posting it) it would be to my brother, I guess… Known him all his 28 years.

26.  What did you do last night? Ate drank, and be’d merry.

27.  What are you most afraid of? Never having the kind of epic love/romance/relationship I feel inside of me.

28.  Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? ummm… I guess plain… I get my Whopper Jr’s w/no cheese. lol

29.  Favorite dog breed? They all suck. Too much work and I’m hella allergic.

30.  Favorite day of the week? I don’t know that I have a favorite. My life isn’t that tough. Or that “scheduled” to have a fave day. lol

31.  How many states have you lived in?  3

32.  Diamonds or pearls? Pearls are my birthstone… but, Diamonds are sparklier.

33.  What is your favorite flower? Calla Lily

There’s so much more to this Gemini thing than just someone’s imagination and blanket statements. If you don’t believe it, feel free to click off of this page, but I’m telling you what I see, and, like, since this is my blog, I do what I want.

Whenever I feel like I’m the only one, and I Google whatever it is that I’m thinking, 9 times out of 10, some famous Gemini has been quoted as saying what I’m trying to express. When I read astrological profiles of the twins, I fit them to a tee… When I think of what moves me, of what’s speaking to my soul… I’m SUCH A GEMINI!

Gemini is an energetic, charismatic, communicative, witty individual with a child-like fascination with the world and with new experiences.

And it’s not just me… If I make a list of the Geminis that I know, this is them, too!

There’s really no point taking this any farther… Those of us who are, know; those who aren’t, can pick us out of a lineup at any time if they give it even half a second of thought. I know a bazillion Geminis, and never once have I ever heard anyone say of any of us, “wow, I would have never guessed that he was a Gemini.” Rather, it’s usually, “oh, wow, he’s a Gemini? That explains EVERYTHING.”

“I’ve been reckless, but I’m not a rebel without a cause.” – Angelina Jolie

“I’m not sure I’m adult yet.” – Johnny Depp

Today… it was just like New Year’s Day.

Raging hangover, in bed all day, talked to my… something… and cried.

August 2009, on opposite coasts, in different time zones, we became more than just slight acquaintances in passing. We met years earlier, and after maybe 5 years of rolling in the same social circle and living in the same city, we finally became friends.

In November 2009, I tried to hook him up with my sister. That’s when I found out he was “on my top.”

January 7, 2010 was the day we officially decided to be more than just friends. About a week later was our last conversation. His last sentence was… I can’t tell you that, but it was G rated and he called me beautiful.

*Someone recently mentioned to me that they heard I was very beautiful and it obviously came from him… I’m just not sure when.

April something (yes, three months later) is when he explained why I hadn’t heard from him since that last conversation.

I tried earlier today to write “our” story. I can’t remember the details, the dates, the words that made it so special, and that’s a good thing, because sharing them would detract from them. I couldn’t publish what I had written, though, for the same reason. It’s too personal. I have to keep it to myself. I’m funny like that. Privacy issues.

Trying to write it just made me even more upset because I thoroughly understand the perceived absurdity of loving (so deeply) someone you’ve literally never touched. Sometimes I think I am a fool for falling in love with someone I never even shared a meal with. But, that is me. I’m a Gemini. The way to my heart is through my head, and the only people I’ve ever fallen for have wooed me with their words.

The distance is what did it. We were on opposite coasts, and we talked all day, every day. You’d be amazed at the bond it creates. At just how much manages to be said, when all you have are words to exchange. No meaningful glances, no profound silence, no shared experiences. You have to say EVERYTHING. Just talking to each other. 24/7. Texts, BBM, Skype, Twitter, Facebook, Ustream, all nighters on the phone… you’d really be amazed at just how much you share when the only thing you can do together is talk.

I got to know him in those five months. To understand him. Far better than I would have if we had been physically close. A whole lot less would have been said in person. It would have been more censored, and the *click* was outrageous, so we’d have probably been humping like rabbits or something other than talking.

Plus, by him being there and me being here, he was always in his element and I was always in mine, so things flowed more freely.

There was no growing apart, no disagreement, no falling out, no bitter breakup, just… his concise explanation, and my very simple response. I was… angry when I was in the dark – very angry, and rightly so, I believe – but, when the reason came out, I couldn’t give him anything but respect.

My heart was absolutely broken. Devastated. I had a physical pain in my chest that lasted almost as long as his consumption and utter domination of my world did. It took me a long time to cry, even though I was so used to going to bed talking to him and waking up talking to him, that sheer force of habit – checking my texts when I woke up – reminded me daily of what was no longer there.

I’m not sure why I couldn’t cry, but when I did… smh… Headaches and stopped-up noses and everything.

I eventually wrote him a letter… nothing hurtful or hateful, just telling him how heartbroken I really was. How much what “we” had meant to me. He was my best friend for those last two months. My world. Weeks after he read it, I asked my best friend to read the letter and she said my words made her cry. I haven’t had the heart to read it since.

Time heals all wounds, right… I mean, I’m over it… He and I speak almost daily, both in private, and publicly. No one would ever know what was going on behind the scenes. Just like when we were “we.”

I saw a picture of him today, and my heart just broke all over again. I told him. It feels strange talking to him about it. Some part of me feels like it isn’t fair that I had to let go of something so fairy-tale through no fault of my own. I didn’t fuck it up and I didn’t call it quits. How is it right that I lost it?

I didn’t even realize the proximity to the date… not like I was gonna mourn on an “anniversary” or something, but, hell, I’ll never forget that date.

I don’t mourn the loss of him, because I haven’t lost HIM at all. I don’t mourn the lost love, because I still adore him and I suspect it might be mutual. Just on a different level.

I never, for a second, regret loving anyone, because it feels so good to give love, and the moments of joy will always have been worth it.

I just wish it didn’t hurt so bad when it DOES hurt.

One of the lessons I have learned in my lifetime, and the thought of which is totally my solace… Whenever something great ends, it’s only because something greater is coming.

New Year’s Resolutions get the same treatment as diet plans, budgets, grocery lists and Christmas Wish Lists around these parts…

They’re inspired…

A whole lot of thought goes into them…

They’re somewhat reasonable…

I’m totally committed upon inception…

They crash and burn at the slightest disturbance.

Why? Because, “I DO WHAT I WANT” *Cartman voice* :

  • If I’m on a no/low-carb regimen, and my boss presents me with his wife(who adores me)’s homemade cookies and says, “you gotta taste one” – this really happened yesterday – it would be totally rude to refuse. I will politely decline the first offer, of course (if I’m feeling particularly attached to my commitment at that moment), but, when they insist, I’m gonna have at least one. If they’re good, my taste buds are happy, Stanley’s* happy, and the gift-bearer is pleased. Win-win-win. Plus, the chances of them being horrible aren’t so great when they’re personally presented, cuz no one wants to be the bearer of bad foods.
  • If I’ve devised a penny-pinching budget, and I’m presented with the simple (read not too difficult and not too expensive) opportunity to support a dear friend’s dream – also happened yesterday – I can’t NOT do it. That would be unfriendly and, therefore, against my religion. Plus, the really good ones respond so well, it’s like finding a second prize in your Cracker Jacks. I get entertained, the friend gets to feel loved and supported, and I get to feel appreciated in return. Again, win-win-win.
  • If I construct a complex grocery list of seafood, poultry, whole grains, low-fat dairy, “good fats,” herbs, spices, and produce, (in support of my intended diet and budget) but I see something bacon-topped, deep fried or sugar-coated that looks absolutely delicious and happens to be on sale for the low, low price of more than I intended to spend – happens every time I go to a store – I have to at least try it. My taste buds are entertained, Stanley* is gratified, and my curiosity sated. Win-win-win.

I understand the whole concept of “self-discipline,” but I’m a flake by nature (God made me a Gemini for a reason, and who am I to deny what He made), so my resolve is fleeting at best. I’m also undeniably impulsive… now in my defense, doing “what I want,” is 99% 90% of the time, neither entirely self-destructive nor inconsiderate, so, you know… I see zero very little reason to deny myself gratification in circumstances such as these.

That is not to say there aren’t reasons I should deny myself and stay the dull course, but the deciding factors in my thought process go back to more Gemini duality… acutely logical thinking and the resulting ability to clearly and unbiasedly (new word?) see both sides of things actively, yet peacefully, coexists with an inherent, incurable joie de vivre.

I hear that it’s kind of weird to have such a firm grasp of the two. The combination can be both a gift and a curse. The mental agility of saying xyz could be this, but it might be that, and having no inclination toward either outcome, is often confused with being cynical and skeptical (or even worse, emotionless), where the moxie and pure, child-like delight in what others deem meaningless or juvenile is mistaken for downright reckless abandon and immaturity. I scoff and roll my eyes at the same time.

In cases of self-temperance, I see the benefit of sticking to a budget or diet, but I also see the “cost.” Sure I will may have a small chunk of change at the end of the year, or may have lost a couple dozen pounds, if I stick to the plan, but what will I have missed out on? How boring will I become by sticking to these guidelines? “Sorry, I can’t have fun with you because anything besides sleeping will inevitably violate both my diet and my budget. :-/” Mundane = dead. To a Gemini, anyway.

All things in moderation, you know… Sometimes I’m devoted to my self-imposed restrictions, sometimes I’m… indulgent. That’s moderation, right? Well, by my definition, it is.

Life is for living. “I’m the one that has to die when it’s time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want to.” – Jimi Hendrix

That being said, on this 7th day of the new year, my noble(?) resolutions of diet, budget, exercise, reading (another undeniably Gemini trait is the inability to finish a book), etc, have all been permanently dismissed in favor of a very short to-do list.

I will make a vision board before the end of the year. I am going to start clipping pictures and articles elementary-school style, then paste them to a humongous piece of poster-board old-school style, and call it a “vision board” new-school style, and place it somewhere highly visible so that I may reflect on it consciously and subconsciously until it all comes to pass, LOA style.

That is all.



  • None
  • Najeema: I've got the same plans (and posterboard on my kitchen table) for a vision board. I'll share mine if you share yours, lol. Hoping you attract everythi
  • NVRGVUP: Love is where it's at!